In these days I'm not posting as I would like to do. I'm not writing what I would like to write.
It's not a writer's block, it's not this.
In these days my problems of health are pressing me again, so much, that I feel my back at the wall again.
Suddenly "they" come back again to stop my life. I can't breathe or think with this pain.
It's an earthquake. An other earthquake.
I'm just praying God to help me, I'm not asking God to give me the strenght to carry on, I'm asking God to heal me right now, because I know that I'm too tired and I don't have strenght anymore.
I pray, I pray and I pray. I want my life back. I want my life back.
Saying "God is good" is easy when you don't have any problems, when every thing is ok or when a problem is not so important.
But What when you are walking in a earthquake? Do you think you can say a thing like that when you are in pains?
Honestly for me it's really difficult at the moment, because I'm suffering since a lot of time and I'm waiting to be healed.
God knows how many years have passed with this problem for me.
I'm starting to be scared. What next? I'm sick and tired to see me in this situation and to make suffer my family too, because they are so sad for me.
I said, God, do you know I'm here? Why I'm in this situation? You know that I worked hard to heal, what do I have to do more? Now only You can do something.
They say you have a plan for us, is this your plan for me?
This morning, in my quiet time with the Lord, reading my Bible, I had a little light in my head. Very little, but a light.
A voice inside of me told me, be still, this is not the end. I won't leave you in this trouble alone.I know that you are scared, but don't let your pain destroy your life.
You need to rest a little, but don't forget who you are, don't forget that your family loves you and needs you.
You are a daughter and wife first.
Maybe you will have bad days, but you must be always yourself, don't be overcome and overwhelmed by panic and fear.
Rest a little when you suffer too much, but when you feel better, get up and go on with your life.
Don't let the pain destroy your smile.
For me helping others when they have problems is easy, it comes natural to me.
Even if I suffer for my pain, I always find a big strenght to get up and make something for them. I feel so strong when I have to help others, this is the power of love.
But when the person who is suffering is me it's different, because I loose my lucidity because I'm scared. I think it's quite normal.
But it's here that we are called to be christians more than ever, here we can see if we love God for the good things he does for us or if we love Him in Himself with an unconditional love.
If you love someone just because he/she makes you feel good and spend only beautiful moments, what will you do if he/she can't do beautiful things for you for a moment? Will you stop to love him/her? I don't think so.
If you do this, it's not real love.
The same with God. We can't praise Him just when things are ok, but always.
" I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands
For you are what you are no matter when I am
An every tear I cry You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
I will praise you in this storm",
We are humans, we can fall, we can lack confidence in God sometimes, He knows.
We must have faith, just faith. There is nothing to do in this situation, you need to have faith.
Real Faith in God is going on, acting on His teachings, not knowing beforehand what the immediate results might be, but knowing that God's principles are true and believing that blessings and happiness will follow.